How to say “no" to your child?

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Each parent is faced with the fact that when they refuse one of their child’s requests, for example, buying a new toy, it is can lead to a response of screams, tears and tantrums. At these moments all you want is to minimize such scenes and scandals. In our article, we will figure out how parents should behave in these instances.


“Mum / Dad, I want you to buy me this car or this doll!” - all of us have met with these requests when in a shop, and parents can’t always consent to their child’s request. It is necessary to set boundaries for the child and to teach them that not all wishes and whims can be immediately fulfilled.


There are several ways to say no to your child in the correct way.


1. If you have, for a certain reason, decided not to buy the toy your child wants, a very effective way is to turn the child’s attention to something more appropriate or less expensive. Consequently, you can reduce your expense, as young children are not aware of the concept of price. If you didn’t plan to buy anything at all, then try to explain to your child. You could say that the toy is the same or very similar to something they already have at home, and when you get home you will play together.


There are some children who love junk food, such as crisps, crackers and sweets. If they want these items, you can describe to your child the delicious food that awaits them at home, there is a chance that the child is hungry and will agree to go.


2. It also happens that some parents cannot refuse to buy the things that their child is asking for. If you say yes, you should make an agreement that you will buy it together, but at a later date. Thus, you will not follow all your son or daughter demands and at the same time your child is not disappointed.


Often children forget what they wanted. Even the next morning they may not remember what they had wanted the day before. If this happens, you can save money for their next request, you will keep your promise and maintain your authority. After all, if you disappoint a child, they can remember this for a very long time.


3. Not all mothers or fathers can confidently say “no” to their child when they keep asking to buy something. No matter how strange it may sound, you need to say “no” to your child. If you keep giving in to your children demands all the time, this can turn into egoism in the future.


If you don't feel confident refusing a child’s request, then you will become manipulated even more. They will instantly sense your weaknesses and will always use it against you. When the child once again begins to demand that you buy this or that toy, you should firmly and confidently say “no”, without screaming or fawning. Be sure to remember eye-to-eye contact so that the child understands that there is no point insisting.


4. Be sure to explain to the child why it is not possible to buy the item at that moment, without just saying “no”. In this way your child can accept it on their own terms. They may think that you no longer love them and do not take into account their opinion. Do not allow this to happen. Children understand everything and it is necessary to talk about the importance and the price of a thing. Take into account the age of your child, a very young one may not understand you. If they want you to buy chocolates and chips, it is better to talk with your child in advance about the dangers of these products.


5. If you are asked for another toy, tell them about the same or similar ones they already have. The conversation can become quite lengthy before they ultimately accept your point.


6. It could be that nothing helps and the child creates a scene in the shop. If just once you give in to hysteria and tears, then the next time it will happen again. In this case, they just need to be taken away, and when you and your child are alone, explain and make clear that such behavior does not help them to achieve their goal.


The best way is to start the conversation when the child has calmed down, and there are no tears or hysteria. If parents do not respond to the tantrum, then next time the child will remember how that situation ended and not repeat the same behavior.


7. If today you forbid something to your child, then tomorrow it should also be prohibited. Permanence and reasonable prohibition are very important. You can reward a child if they suddenly correct a particular situation. Be sure to remember that both parents should have shared requirements. If one says no, then other members of the family should support this, and not concede the child’s demands. Just do not forget to discuss this in advance!


8. Don't try to influence your child by force or by raising your voice. They must learn to accept rejection. Your child should be able to understand the rationality of their desires in the future.


You should not deny a child needs, but sometimes their wants. However, not always. Try not bring your loved one to tears and tantrums once again. Be closer to your child, love them, but do not allow them to be spoilt.

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