Brothers and sisters are arguing: what can parents do?

children are arguing photo
Many parents ask the question, why do their children argue? What should parents do during these quarrels? How should they behave and how can they prevent fights? In this article we will try to understand these issues.


At the beginning, siblings fight over toys, and later, when they are teenagers quarrels begin because of gadgets and computers. As they get older the reasons for arguments can become more complicated. It is noted that children with a big difference in age conflict less often than children of similar age. Before you start to solve this problem, be sure to understand the reason why it starts. One of the main reasons and one of the most natural is jealousy.


Most often, the initiator of the quarrels is the eldest child. Before they were alone and the centre of attention for mum and dad, and now parents need to share their attention between the children. As a result, the older child tries to take back all the attention and love from their parents. Often the younger child is no angel either, they constantly provokes the eldest child to quarrel. They try to drag their parents onto their side, thereby heating up the argument even more. The hardest thing is in families where a third child is born. Parents can direct all their focus towards the youngest child, and the older children are left without the special attention of the mother and father.


What should parents do when their children are arguing?


Sometimes adults, without noticing, can provoke an argument. To reduce the risk of conflict, and to teach your children to solve disputes peacefully, the most important thing is for adults to consider and analyze their own behavior. After all, children very quickly copy adults, they are our reflection.
- Try to give your children the same presents to reduce the number of conflict situations. But do not forget that in addition to identical toys or similar clothes, try to share between all of your children your love, care and attention, as well as their duties and praise.
- Try not to compare your children with each other. Sometimes parents , provoke conflicts between the children, without even noticing. Psychologists recommend that you don’t make comparisons, such as: “your brother gets good grades, and you always bring bad ones”. This can further increase the arguments and conflicts between children.

- do not take sides. When fights occur between siblings, they rarely end up solving the problem themselves. As a rule, children try to involve their parents in it. They snitch and blame each other. Parents should not let it this happen. If suddenly one of the children comes and starts telling you about their sister’s or a brother’s bad behavior, then it is best to ask your child about the part they played in this quarrel.

- Do not put your responsibilities onto older children. Maintain equality. Do not force them to look after the youngest, and to always take them with them. Often parents forget and turn the firstborn into a nanny. Consider the interests of the older child, give them the opportunity to relax, read a book or take a walk with their friends.
- Try to organize the leisure of your children properly. To avoid quarrels, you need to organize the personal time and space of the children correctly. For example, if the eldest child does homework in the children’s room, then it’s better to take the younger child to another room and give them something interesting to do so that the younger one does not interfere with the older one.
- Try to analyze what happened. Never put the guilt on one child, but do not blame both children. After an argument, it is worth waiting for the heat of emotions to reduce, then you can sit and calmly find out what happened. Remember about eye-to-eye contact. Listen to both of your children, let them speak, and then find ways to resolve the conflict, but do not forget to take into account the interests of each child.

- Be patient and be wise. To force children to be friends is impossible. They may not be pleased with their siblings, but parents can prevent a conflict before it occurs and children will not even notice this. Of course, everything must be done carefully, without strict directives and patience. If the quarrel becomes heated, then the children need to be separated to different places or rooms, you need to give them time to cool down and be alone. After they have become calm you can find out what happened. Teaching children to negotiate is necessary when they have calmed down and are ready to act in peaceful way.


Never be upset and do not despair. Be patient. If there is still no agreement between your children, sort out the conflict at a family council, where each family member can express their own opinion and find a compromise solution.

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